Lightweights Fight Global Warming!

Always on the leading edge of cool, lightweight rowers were recognized on Wednesday for their contributions to the fight against global warming. A recently published study adds weight to lightweight claims that heavyweights should be taxed, with the proceeds used for anti-warming and anti-obesity programs. Certain members of the rowing community have long speculated that Title IX heavyweights were behind the US government's rejection of the Kyoto Protocol. With the release of this study, however, anonymous sources have begun to speculate about the existence of a surreptitious Axis of Warming comprised of the CRCA, the NCAA, and the US government who may have joined forces to engineer the rejection of Kyoto.